If it was it was 14 years it could have been yesterday – I lost my shield, my protector, my big brother. It’s been said that when you laugh the world laughs with you and when you cry, you cry alone. With all all the turmoil and challenges my life present before me, I never cried alone because my big brother was there.

My brother took his own life in October last year.
The inquest is next month.My question is should I go to the inquest.
I know no one can tell me what I’m feeling or what I should do.
I just have so many questions.

I hope this is ok to ask.

My heart aches. I lost my brother in October 2023. I ask everyday how do I live the rest of my lie without my big bro. How it aches so bad knowing I’ll never see him again

We spoke daily about his life and I knew he was struggling but really never imagined this. I was there as much as I possibly could have been. We had such deep conversations and I thought he was moving in a positive direction. He had so much to live for and give this world.

I miss him so much, he was incredible, kind, smart, generous, beautiful, thoughtful and honestly I couldn’t be more proud to call him my brother. I love you so much, I wish I did more, I wish you didn’t feel so worthless, I wish you were here. I yearn to communicate with him. I just want to talk to him.

My mum and dad have moved in with my family and I. It’s all just a lot. It’s all a lot. I’m sorry little brother – you should be here. I hope you know how much I cherish your memory. I will carry you with me in my heart for the rest of my life.

I hope and pray you are at peace.

Gia, I am so sorry I couldn’t take away your pain.I wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have been there for you. I know we were different, but I wish I had accepted that.

I hope you are at peace now, and I hope you are filled with eternal love.

Forever you sister,
Sophia

My oldest brother committed suicide on January 14th, 2025, only a few weeks ago. We had just placed my mom in hospice after Christmas. When dad called me, he was crying. I was prepared to hear that mom had passed, not that my brother had committed suicide. When I heard that, it felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground, and smashed it with a sledgehammer. My brother had been having some health issues since the summer. He said the doctors didn’t know what was wrong. That wasn’t the truth. I found a blood test result ftom October in his medical paperwork. He had been diagnosed with blood cancer, and it had gotten into his liver. He didn’t tell anyone, not even his best friend. It breaks my heart that he chose to keep it a secret, to go through it all alone.

Hey little brother.

When I pray to God, I ask him to deliver the

Message to you if possible.

I always ask him to please tell you how

Sorry I am. I am so sorry. profoundly sorry.

That night you told me you were tired of living. I

Thought that was a normal part of your recovery

We pushed you too hard. In fact, your entire

Life story is how we failed you.

You have a niece now. She’s bright and hilarious

You would have had a hoot with her. I always

Thought you’d have children before me that I

Could spoil. I haven’t had a moment of peace

Since the day you left. I been through about

4 therapists. I can’t forgive myself for letting

You do this. I didn’t know Joshua. I thought

You’d get better. I hope those NDE stories are

True and that you are in eternal bliss right now.

I miss you so bad it physically hurts. Would you

Please forgive me.

My little brother Jacob took his own life on 9/6/2024. He took a piece of my heart with him to heaven.I have yet to properly grieve- Our Dad passed on 9/28/2023- I have been in a 2.5 yr custody battle with my ex. Any feedback on what helps with this process…Somedays I wanna just Throat punch people other days I don’t wanna leave the house.

Jon-Jon,
On the 14th of January it will have been 8 months since you left us. I’ve suffered many losses in my life and I thought I knew what grief was. But I had no idea. Grief & loss have never cut me this deeply before. I still cry almost every day and they say that time heals all wounds but it’s unimaginable that any amount of time could heal this pain.
You put on such a brave face in the months before you passed. I was so hopeful because despite the troubles you were enduring in your life I thought that you were handling things so well. I believed that the hardships you were enduring were making you fight harder and you were finally able to see your own strength. I’ll never forgive myself for being so wrong. If you had uttered one word of your plans… I would’ve crawled on my hands and knees from FL to Seattle where you were living. You were my only sibling and I had taken care of you most of our lives. If I had known NOTHING could have stopped me. You had struggled with your mental health for so long I thought you understood that you could have overcome it. But at the same time.. I know you were tired.
On the night that you left, I had frantically been calling trying to get help with finding you or reaching you. A deputy from the sheriff’s office called to tell me the news. I had to be the one to tell Dad & Mom. I’ll never forget the look on Dad’s face. That night will always be the beginning of the nightmares that I’m most scared of.
Your light shined brighter than anyone’s that I have ever seen. You were everything that I knew I could never be. You were smart, you were brave, you were honest, you were never scared to be yourself, you were an amazing musician, and you fought your mental illnesses so hard. I look around at the world and I know it will never been the same.
I love you and there will always be this giant hole in my heart that’s there because of your absence.
I can’t wait to see you again, Bubba.
Love,
Sissy

It has been almost 4 weeks. Why did you do this? Did you not think of the damage it would leave mom and dad finding you? They are a mess and I am trying to be strong for them and for my own family. Mom blames herself that she did not see the signs and that you were always happy. I guess you hid it well. I wish you could of experienced this life little bro. You never gave it a chance. I kept telling mom and dad for years that you need to get out of the house, get a job, and actually experience life. I think you had severe social anxiety and maybe that is why you never wanted to leave the house. Your door is still shut at mom and dad’s house, they cannot open it yet. I am hoping I can get them to move closer to me and sell the house. I am so mad at you right now. This pain is excruciating. Not many people know and I have to put on my best face around people who have no idea what I am going through. Mom and dad do not want people to know how. It feels like a dirty little secret. I wish you would have talked to mom and dad. I wish you didn’t do this. I wish we had a better relationship and you would of gotten to know your nephews better. I wish you would of left that damn house before doing this. Like dad said, you were just a lost soul. I love you bud, always have and always will.