Today marks 4 years since my brother took his own life. It was a dull, aching day where I did nothing productive and just sat in my bed, listening to music that makes me happy. Today wasn’t for remembering, it was for forgetting. Which is what is happening. If any of y’all are reading this, on the day that my brother died, I decided to google ‘sibling suicide’ – not sure why my first instinct was to google something, but anyway – and I came across this site. My original post is still up, and it is heart-wrenching. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. Life goes on and I go on and saying your name hurts less because you are becoming less and less a part of my life. I have already lived 20% of my life without you. Isn’t that sick? I wanted to post here a couple of days ago, when I became older than you, but I couldn’t bring myself. I went down to the ocean and wrote you a letter but I was late for a party so it was rushed. Look at me, going to parties. Gosh, everything just sucks and I don’t know where this is going but I just had to post something here.
We all feel the pain of losing a sibling, my brother hung himself when he was 57, he has 4 beautiful grandkids who would have been the light of his life. I die a little more each day struggling with what you did. I love you, your heart, your smile, you were the light of our family and now there is no light left.I see your wife and it breaks my heart to know she might have known you were going to do this as you told them many times you felt like killing yourself. It is hard for us to see her and not hate her but I am trying to forgive her. There is not much help for someone when they are this low, that is a sad fact of life. Our sister worshipped the ground you walked on and still does. We miss you so much and will love you til the day we die and come to see you!!!