Today marks 4 years since my brother took his own life. It was a dull, aching day where I did nothing productive and just sat in my bed, listening to music that makes me happy. Today wasn’t for remembering, it was for forgetting. Which is what is happening. If any of y’all are reading this, on the day that my brother died, I decided to google ‘sibling suicide’ – not sure why my first instinct was to google something, but anyway – and I came across this site. My original post is still up, and it is heart-wrenching. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. Life goes on and I go on and saying your name hurts less because you are becoming less and less a part of my life. I have already lived 20% of my life without you. Isn’t that sick? I wanted to post here a couple of days ago, when I became older than you, but I couldn’t bring myself. I went down to the ocean and wrote you a letter but I was late for a party so it was rushed. Look at me, going to parties. Gosh, everything just sucks and I don’t know where this is going but I just had to post something here.