Thirty-eight years ago tonight my brother set himself on fire and lived for 43 days.
I have posted here in the past. Some years this day slips by without me realizing. Sometimes I quietly acknowledge it. Some years it is very vivid like it is tonight.
For the first three years I felt I had to will every breath I took. I did not think I could survive the crushing pain and sadness. I am here to let you know I have a productive life and I’m happily married. It took a long time to find my way and my brother’s death is still the worst thing that has ever happened in my life.
Things that helped me: therapy, journaling, asking for help, finding nurturing things to do for myself. Sometimes all I could do was wrap up in a blanket on the couch. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Keep coming back here. You are not alone.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. My brother died by suicide one month ago. I’m so sorry for your devastating loss.
Thank you for taking the time to drop me a note. It matters.
I am sorry for your loss as well.
It is so difficult in the beginning. Everything is different. Nothing is familiar.
Every day moves you closer to light and hope. One day, one hour, moment at a time.
Thank you for this – you are also not alone. My sister left by suicide 8 years ago and some days I still feel this giant black hole of sadness looming so close by. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it. I work full time, look after my 9 year old daughter and generally get on with life but I also know that my grief will also be my companion as long as I am here.
Kevin,
Thank you for the reminder we are not alone in this place. One of the things I realized over time was that everything changed when my brother died. Nothing was familiar. I will never have the life I had before. Over time this place became familiar. Familiarity reduces stress. It became easier to do the day to day things and now I have lived more of my life in this place than the other.
When I lost my brother in 2020, the first post I read on here was one of yours. Breathe. I find something comforting in your posts, thank you.
Sarah,
Thank you for reaching out. It matters. You matter. I don’t think any of us ever thought we would be in this place. Sharing our experience, strength and hope matters.