2 Siblings and Counting? Help for the Survivors

Hello, I am sibling 4 out of 5. When we grew up, we each had one child. Our mother was murdered in 1978. My oldest sister killed herself in 1994, having blamed herself for years for my mothers death. The youngest male sibling could not manage his grief and took his life in 1996. Now the oldest brother and my younger sister are both living alone, although somewhat close geographically. The sister has been abusing drugs and alcohol since she was 18, the day our mom died. My brother, a Vietnam Navy Seal, has purchased helium tanks and has matter-of-factly told me when he is ready he is going to go. I got a call on Christmas that little sister OD’ed and is in the hospital. She is going to make it. This time. It seems like my grief is neverending. I grief for what is lost, for the children, for my sick, sick, siblings who should be living productive lives, not thinking every day they will snuff them out. How long can this go on? Will I really be the sole sibling left? It is inconceivable, yet more and more is looking like a possibility. They refuse professional help. It seems hopeless.



6 thoughts on “2 Siblings and Counting? Help for the Survivors

  1. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. There are no words. Your strength is incredibly inspiring. Sending prayers.

  2. Dearest D,

    What tremendous courage you have – to tell your story on this website must be heart-wrenching for you – having to detail such unbearable loss. I’m not sure why you chose to post – or if you even know how much your story and your willingness to share is an inspiration to others – but it has, and you do.

    I was just checking into this site for my nephew, who lost his brother a few months ago to suicide. None of us are doing very well, but I know even small-helps come about when others share their experiences. I read your post first – and doubt whether or not I will ever read anything more brave again – and just wanted you to know.

    If I could change your world, D, I would gladly turn back time and create a journey filled with much less pain than yours has been – but of course I can’t do that. What I can do, is say that you are beautiful – and meant to do beautiful things in this troubled world. You will be able to connect with others on this site – and I hope and pray that what you are able to give, you receive 100-fold in return.


  3. I was poking around the internet looking for information on multiple sibling suicides, and I ran across this page that I apparently found and commented on last month when I was so concerned about my brother and sister. To those who responded, thank you so very much for your kind words. I am sad to report that my oldest brother did take his life on January 3. I was barely home from a visit to him when I got the knock on the door. He had given me his dog to “babysit”, saying he was going sailing in Key West for a few weeks. It appears he wanted me to look after little Pita after he is gone. He left lots of notes and letters, to me and to his son. His funeral was quick, he had everything planned. Full Military honors, buried in the State VA Cemetery.
    I am so lost. My only sibling left, my little sister, has promised me she will not follow suit. But I know that once she goes back to her drugs, all bets are off.
    Can this even be happening? It feels like everything is slow motion. I am looking for support for people who have experienced multiple sibling suicides but cannot find a thing. Surely I am not the only one? When I look at his photo in his dress blues with all the ribbons and medals, I just cry.

  4. I am very sorry for your losses. Losing someone in such tragic ways is like loosing oneself. However, in coping with a painful loss, I personally have been keeping to myself and seeking God diligently. He has shown his love for me in other ways and continues to remind me that he is here for me. I will pray that we all find the peace, strength and acceptance we need. Till next time.

  5. I lost 2 brothers to suicide. I myself suffer from depression and anxiety, but I am not contemplating it for myself. Why do the odds increase suicide attempts among survivors of filial suicide? Do we even have statistics that detail the likelihood? Are those of us left behind actually survivors or just time bombs?

  6. Ughhh these comments break my heart. I’m so sorry for your losses as I can relate. My 2 older brothers both have passed. My 1st best friends’ best friends, protectors, my only sibling. I’m the youngest and the only girl. My brother Chad was murdered when he was 17 and I was 15 (20 yrs. ago). My brother Blake was in the Marines at the time and blamed himself. Which I never knew. We never spoke about the hurt or what it did to us emotionally. My brother played the big brother tough guy role, so I never knew. Well as my brother Chad’s murderer was coming up for parole, Blake took his life (4yrs ago). I never knew how much he struggled till the week before when he was drunk and threatening to kill himself. His girlfriend called me. Well, I checked in all week with him and he said that running his landscaping business that was struggling, his anxiety and being broke was doing it to him. Well, the day after Father’s Day he took a rifle to his head. My mom showed up at my home at 7am and I knew someone died. Initially I thought my grandfather. NOPE. I have lived in constant sadness since then. Killing myself with the what ifs, anger. I think of him every single day. It’s so hard and I cry as I write this. We were so close. He was my 3 kids’ best friend. I feel abandoned, alone, and I miss him so much. I don’t understand how he could do this to me, to my parents, and my kids. I know he loved us, and his pain had to be so incredibly strong for him to take his life, but now I live with the pain. It controls my life. Thank God I have 4 kids and no alcohol or drug problems because I don’t think I could be getting by. My 4 kids save my life daily. I feel your pain and I’m sorry you have to experience it because it’s the worst thing ever. I just wish I had answers. I wish I could understand or have him explain things to me. To be left with these questions is heart wrenching. I can’t believe he did it and I’m so hurt.

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