My dear little sister

My little sister hung her self only hours ago. I was the one to find her. I am in so much pain and every time I close my eyes the scene of me finding her replays in my mind on loop. I’m glad it was me though. I lost a brother almost three years ago to cancer, and I couldn’t bare if my parents had found her. I’m still numb. Still in shock. I’ve been suffering anxiety and depression among other mental illnesses for quite some time now and it’s, very, very intense right now. She left a note, and a document on her computer, semi explaining herself. It was because the world is chaotic and evil (a lot of it. Not all) she knew she was loved and she knew we would do anything for her. But she never saw a future for herself. We come from a very spiritual, religious background. And about a year ago she stopped believing. Even became atheist. And I cannot bare to think she is anywhere but heaven right now. Any prayers for her are very welcome and encouraged. And if that’s not your thing, please. Send good vibes. Her name was Sara. 18 years of age. Two weeks before graduation. On her prom night.

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5 Responses to My dear little sister

  1. Erin says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. That was how my brother, Mike, ended his life as well. His girlfriend found him after returning to our house in the Nike of the night (they had fought and she left) and my parents and I were all home as well. We all saw him. The first night sleeping was the hardest. It played on a loop for me too. I woke up in terror every half hour to hour. I suffer from anxiety as well and it was extremely intense for weeks and stayed moderately intense for months. What helped me to sleep was putting young children’s shows on (I’m 28). After about 9 months I was finally able to go to sleep without the TV. It’s been 10 months now and I still keep a light on. Our journey to find peace is long but there is peace for us. Remember to breath and keep in mind that our feelings are temporary. The moments of happiness don’t last forever, so enjoy them as they come and remember the moments of pain will always pass. That helps me get through tough times. I’m not religious but my mom’s church believes that God is taking care of my brother. I hope your religion can offer you solace too. I wish you and your family as much peace as you can find and I’ll keep Sara in my thoughts.

  2. Elaine says:

    Dear Guest Poster,

    My deepest condolences, please continue to stay strong for your family, and live to fight another day. I understand your pain, having to discover your sister like this, it is difficult, and not something you want to remember your sister with – the picture of extreme grievance and suffering. It wasn’t easy for me personally as well, my sister committed suicide while jumping down from 35th storey and my parents and I were utterly distraught to see her body in the mortuary. It was emotionally traumatising for us..

    But stay strong, have faith and hope that your little sister will be in heaven. Continue to pray for her and her soul, that is the most you can do for her now. Continue to take care of yourself and your parents.

    I will pray for your sister and your family.

    take care and keep fighting!

    Love,
    Elaine

  3. Guest post says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I loss my sister only a few weeks ago. I truly belive she is at peace – a peace she could not find on earth and I’m sure that your sister has found such peace now also. You and your family are in my thoughts. Mind yourself and be strong for your parents who need you more than ever x

  4. Tatiana says:

    My mom and I tracked my sisters location via findmyiphone because she stopped responding to calls and texts from us and her boyfriend (they had gotten into a fight the night before) I called all her friends; she was supposed to be at a brunch for her friends birthday. It was her boyfriends birthday. She turned her phone off but I found the ping for her last location and anitcipated I would be walking for a while and then we’d give her a pep talk.

    I too discovered my little sister (21) hanging from a tree with a dog leash. She was still warm and I spoke to her asking her why, telling her how much i loved her and needed her, how beautiful and smart she is, i tried to hold her up and give her CPR and a gasp of air came out of her mouth, I didnt have anything on me to cut the leash, didn’t want my mom to see her but I needed help.. I thought we could save her.

    The 911 call was infuriating because they were asking me for directions while trying to tell me how to try and help her. She went to a spot where her and her friends would go hiking… my mom ran out to the street and asked cyclists and other passer by’s for help and they just looked at her like she was crazy..

    As traumatic as it was I am so thankful that my mom and I followed our intuition that this day was different. I only regret that I got there too late and wonder why she didnt answer any calls from me or my mom that morning, I can only think that hearing our voice or talking to us would change her mind. I hope that she knows how much we love her. I got to hold her, hold her hand, and brush through her hair. When they cut her off the tree I was still trying to hold her up and she fell on top of me.

    I’m sorry that my comment has taken over your post. Friends help and listen, but this experience and this loss is something I’ve had a hard time relating to with anyone else other than my mother and family.

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