My love my sis,
How could this have ever happened? We thought we were flying, and turns out we were digging ourselves a grave. Ever since you left, it is as if I am only half here. Never fully.
Perhaps we were too close, perhaps not close enough. I know I wasn’t the kind of sister you needed. You deserved. I was self centered and stupid. Blinkers on eyes.
I am sorry. please forgive me. It was my fault for calling you that day. I am still angry with our father for what happened. I don’t think it will ever go away completely. I am angry with our mother for being so blind. So uncaring of one she presumed to love so much. How could we all be so irresponsible toward you?
We are still alive, that’s a miracle. Your presence is still there in our home, the garden. It keeps us alive.
I lost every thing I thought I wanted, when I lost you. It hasn’t come back. I lost my story. I am glad. I want no story without you in it.
I love you very much. I no longer believe in after lives. But if in the throes of dying, oxygen deprived and hallucinating, I get to see you (?), that would be bliss. I hope life is kind.
This is not a suicide or crisis resource. Please contact a counselor, family member, friend, or emergency services if you are having suicidal thoughts.
In the USA, call:
For Deaf, Hard of Hearing, and People with Speech Disabilities who use a TTY, call 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)