big brother matt (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

god, its been almost 3 years now since you shot yourself at the age of 21. And everyday it gets harder for me to except the fact that your gone because everyday i always look forward to you coming home but you never do. i just wish that you hadn’t of done it because i miss you every day and it’s killing me. what do i do to help except that your gone because you were my best friend and losing your best friend when your 10 is the hardest thing ever and now im missing you like crazy and i can’t help it. Matt i wish you were still here.

Wish I had called… (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

Wish I had called…

My older sister died March 20, 2017, due to an overdose of heroine. She knew it was going to kill her and she tried to stop using it. However, the stress from our family members, her 3 month old son not being in her care, and all her friends pushed her over the edge. I knew something was wrong that night, I knew she was going to die (because I know when loved ones die and it makes me feel guilty when they do and I did not tell them), but what hurts the most is that I never got to say goodbye. I was not allowed at her memorial and I am always the last to know what is going on with her. I am 17, almost 18, she was 23, and I have only 1 regret in life, and that is that I never called her.

(SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

Rough

okay so almost 3 years my big brother committed suicide and he was only 21 at the time. And lately its been rough for me because i have been missing him and my other big brother who lives in alaska and he is thinking about suicide and i just don’t know how to take it all in and i would really like to talk to someone about it but when it comes to stuff like i become very shy and i just don’t trust people with my feelings. i wish someone know what i was going through.

My (big) Little brother bear (SiblingSurvivors Letters)

Subject: My (big) Little brother bear

Michael Ray I miss you so much already. Tomorrow is the day I’ve been dreading. Tomorrow, we say our last goodbyes here on Earth and I don’t even know how Im supposed to deal with this. You left me at the worst time ever but ya know I may have overlooked just how together u really were. Because now Im truly starting to find my spot in life and I AM gonna finish nursing school. I have to be aunt Racheal that Soph can depend on and the type of mother my girls can look up to. Goodnight and sweet dreams my Angel. I love u until the end of time. Xoxo

My Beloved Brother James

My Beloved Brother James
Its been a year since you left us.I still go to the back of the house where you loved to sit and wish I could just talk to you or just see you for a moment.I miss you so much,I still don’t understand why you took your own life.May God be with you bro and I hope you are final at rest and at peace.

Like yesterday Pete (SiblingSurvivors Letters)

Hey Angel B,
My heart aches for a crazy phone call. Time heals nothing.Neither it should. I’m isolated in my own thoughts of what I should of done. So many what if’s. I’ve gone over your last words to me so many times Pete. I could of helped IF (always the if’s) I had just slowed down and really thought about what you were saying between the lines. Everything has changed Pete. Our family never recovered. I miss you my Angel B. The sun doesn’t shine as bright.

24 years later and I miss you more everyday.
Time brings us closer… that’s all time does.
Big brother of mine I miss you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. Forever so sorry. Xx

Two Months

It’s been just over two months since he decided it was time to leave us. There were no warning signs. If only he had hinted that he was feeling sad, in pain and totally hopeless. I would have helped him in a heartbeat. He was so kind, handsome, funny and absolutely the most genuine person I knew. It was an honour to be his brother for all those years, and I hope he is at total peace.

I am still numb, I haven’t even begun to think about what has happened. Sometimes I force myself to look at pictures at him, which ultimately ends up on me breaking down in tears. I am still so angry and annoyed that he didn’t come to me in his time of need. But more than that, I just miss him so much! I miss his witty jokes and his voice around the house. He was one of a kind.

Eight months

It’s been just over 8 months. I still feel just as stuck as the night you took your life. The first several weeks went by so fast. So many people in and out of the house. I just wanted them all gone so life could go back to “normal.” It never did and it never will.
No matter what I do, how late it is, how tired I am, my thoughts go to that awful night. Hearing your girlfriend call for help down the hall, saying that you had hung yourself. Seeing you there on our patio. Helping dad get you down. Trying to bring you back with the CPR I’ve practiced for years. I shake it off and turn the T.V. on.

You would have been such a great father and I wanted to be an aunt so much. I miss you all the time. Life is so hard now. I’m sorry you died in pain. I don’t believe in an afterlife and I know you didn’t either. So I hope you had a really nice dream before leaving forever. I read that might happen… I wish you could hear all the things I want to tell you all the time.
I love you Bubba.