So today my Mom posted this thing from YouTube on Facebook. Someone did a tribute to suicides. Some were famous or cases that were in the news, but so was my brother.
The logical part of my brain says anything that brings attention to the epidemic of suicide is a good thing, but there is another part of me that finds it so distasteful. It isn’t the first time that someone has acknowledged my brother’s suicide in some public way without mine or my mother’s consent, but I find it still raises my hackles. I don’t know these people, I don’t know why they are doing it. They certainly didn’t know my brother. It is completely illogical for me to be angry about it, but a part of me is. Didn’t stop me from sharing the video. But I left off any commentary because my facebook is littered with people I wouldn’t want to have that kind of insight.
Have any of you had any experience with this? Has it happened to you? Thoughts?
Neve
Hi Neve,
Sadly, I have not had that experience. I too lost my brother to suicide and it has been 14 years – so way before the time Facebook and MySpace were really popular. What did happen to me was that in trying to heal my grief, I joined forums, etc. and posted things about my brother. My cousins, who did not know how he died, were very nosy and suspicious and went online Googling him and me and found one of my posts. From there, they told my entire family (my dad’s side did not know and my dad did not want them to know, one of the reasons I published my book under a pen name). Anyway, it felt like a true invasion of privacy. If they wanted to talk, they should have called me, not went online trying to find answers. That being said, when we later talked they shared how deeply my brother’s death had affected them and they wanted answers. I am not sure if this helps at all, but on some level, I do understand what you are going through. One thing I learned in all of this is – we all heal and grieve differently. Perhaps this was your mother’s way of trying to grieve or heal? It’s so hard to say…
3 weeks since i was met off a train to get the news. that news was gut wrenching. i am now having panic attacks. i do hope it gets easier with time but i will never ever forgive myself for being away at the time .