Dearest big brother:
I love you. More and more everyday. Losing you has made me see the true depth of love. I miss you. It has been a year and two months, and I find myself more lost than I could have ever fathomed.
My whole life purpose I thought was to protect you. I was going to go to law school, to know the mental health laws- so I could make sure you were safe. Now I am left to do it all in your honor, and I can’t help feeling like is there even a point anymore? Nothing is going to bring you back.
I have never felt more stuck. Stuck in grief, stuck in loss, stuck in the memories. We had so much more fun things to do together. We were going to take our kids to disney world, we were going to do life together. I truly lost a best friend, my big brother.
I hope you are in the happiest place playing the drums, and beating with love. And my wish is that you would have known how talented and amazing you were. I wish we all took the time to tell you. I wish I could have spent more time with you. I love you so much. And i don’t know how my heart will ever heal without you.
This is not a suicide or crisis resource. Please contact a counselor, family member, friend, or emergency services if you are having suicidal thoughts.
In the USA, call:
For Deaf, Hard of Hearing, and People with Speech Disabilities who use a TTY, call 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)