Loss of Victoria

Hi I’m Erika and I’m 16 years old. On November 27, 2014 ten days after my birthday my 21 year old sister Victoria shot herself on thanksgiving. I was at my aunts house and grandmas for thanksgiving which was like 2 minutes away. A lot of fighting had been happening between my mom and Victoria. We always fought, they had a closer relationship and I felt I was off the side. Anyone they had argued all day and Victoria was acting weird all month, I just thought she was being hateful. Anyway I come home from thanksgiving dinner, I go into my room through the bathroom and I see her laying there. Blood everywhere. I ran to my mom and before I know it. Cops were everywhere, police time was taped around my house, I knew my life was never going to be the same again. Almost a year later and In between that time my mom has tried to commit suicide, her boyfriend is living with her, she went to California for rehab she didn’t really do anything…she’s not right right now… I was just 16 and I acted like I was 12… Tori did everything for me. Now I’m here sitting a cafe waiting for my boyfriends football game to end. I feel like I’m 36 now. I live with my aunt, two minutes away from the house she died in, 10 minutes away from my mom. As thanksgiving is coming I feel pretty depressed… But I’m trying everyday.

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3 Responses to Loss of Victoria

  1. Elizabeth says:

    My brother committed suicide when I was 17, and it felt like I had to grow up a decade in just a few minutes. Suddenly it’s not just homework you have to worry about, but if your parents are having a good day or a bad one, I had younger siblings I needed to look out for, and I’m not sure if I did it too well, but I did what I could. It’s surreal to watch everyone around you live a normal teenage life and if I’m honest I still feel twice my age sometimes. The important thing is that you are trying, and as long as you’re doing that, no one can ask any more from you. It’s never going to be easy, but we get stronger, and can keep going despite it all.

  2. Sharon says:

    Dear Danny,

    Hi this is your sister Sharon. It has been almost one year since you ended your life, and scared my heart. We shared the same birthday and red hair. We shared so many fishing trip and vacations. We shared our brother, sisters, mom, dad and countless friends and family. Tonight as I write you this letter I fell that I also share your pain. I will never know how deeply your pain was that caused you to take your life. But, I know how much it hurts to live with guilt, shame and misunderstanding. I still defend you even though I know I am not at fault for your actions. I am so sorry that I allowed you to distance yourself from me and others that love you. I am so sorry that you never had a love of your own and children. I am so sorry that you didn’t get the help you needed. I can only ask the question WHY???? God has that answer because he is the only one that will ever know Why? The only thing left for me now every August 24 is wishing I could share our birthday together. No words can express these feelings. It really sucks that I have been ROBBED of a brother because of depression. I can only imagine the fear, and pain you endured that cold February night. You did have some courage (evil spirit) in you to do what you did to your life. OMG So sad for someone to go through that alone. I promise to talk to someone about my pent up feeling. God knows how I have suppressed them. Until next time. I love you and still want to kick your ass. The we will go fishing.

  3. Christine Bauer says:

    Hi , my brother took his own life and also my mothers life in 2010. I couldn’t get them on the phone for a couple days. Had a spare pair of keys. Went into the house only to find my brother at the foot of the bed and my mom in her bed. Called 911, they found a 22 revolver on the floor under my brother. How did we not know that things had gotten this bad for them. Later the coroner asked why someone with bipolar and schytophrinia tendencies was aloud to have guns? We didn’t know this about him. He was medicated until he lost a job and a marriage and had no health insurance. So sad. Not ever really knowing how I could’ve helped. Not easy being left behind never to get answers. I now forgive him. It was very hard to deal with for several years. I can imagine it being much harder for you. You were very young to find your sister like that. I am sorry you must go through that.

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