I feel so weird writing on this website. This is something that is very unlike me-on the other hand doing something like committing suicide was very unlike you. I don’t know what happened, how we could have clearly missed all the signs. Now looking back it’s all so clear and that’s what I think upsets us the most. My brother Michael was 19 when he took his life on July 2, 2012. It was just shy of my 22nd birthday and I had just moved back home the month ago from graduating college. We were just starting to form our “adult” sibling relationship; less fighting, more joking around and now that’s all gone and I’m an only child after always having this little annoyance since I can remember. I know it’s almost been 5 years but missing you still comes in waves and I’ve noticed I have no desire to form a relationship with anyone. I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t want a family, I just want to have my dog, my friends and parents to stay the way they are right now and I know that’s completely insane because I’m watching from the outside how all my friends are growing up, moving on with their lives and starting their own families and I feel like I’m still a 22 year old who just got sucker punched in the gut. I want to open my heart up and be happy on my own and not because of my medicine but I need you back and I know that’s not going to happen so I need you with me guiding me to a new breath of life. I love you Ze Mullet
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