Remembering My Big Brother

It’s been nine year since my brother committed suicide. He was only 13 and he didn’t leave a note. Sometimes I still sit back and wonder why. I miss him everyday. I was only 7 when it happened. I can hardly remember it and yet it hurts so much. Its even worse because I always try to remember him and the things he liked to do and how he acted but I can’t. It’s like my brain is blocking him out. I don’t want it to though because I want to remember him. I NEED to remember him. I wish he hadn’t gone, I wish someone had seen the signs. I sometimes blame myself, why didn’t I notice how badly he was hurting. He was always so happy, at least I thought he was. Will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever stop missing him and wondering?

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