Me and Livy

July 14, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

I feel like I’m dying. I feel like I’m being ripped apart. It was always me and you Livy. Always me and you against everything else. My soul feels like its being flayed open and I’m being burned alive. I can’t describe this pain I feel.

I was the only f** person you wrote a note to before u did it. That makes me want to scream until my body gives up. I’m so so so so sorry that I didn’t know. I would’ve slaughtered the world for u Livy. I wouldn’t given my own life for you. I’m so f** sorry you didn’t know that.

I can’t stop thinking about the time at grandma’s when we were all sitting at the table going around and saying things we liked about each other. It was my turn to say something about u and I just looked over at u and looked u in the eyes and we both started tearing up. I didn’t even say anything. I didn’t even need to say anything, we both just knew. Without words we just f** knew.

I can’t do this without u. I keep waiting to wake up. You’re in a vegetative state. You tried to OD and u didn’t die but you fried your brain so bad you went into a coma. Papa and Hannah found u after u were missing for 2 days. You’re a vegetable Livy, and every day for 47 days we’ve been going to the hospital to sit at ur bed. It’s been the worst kind of torture possible. They say you will never be Livy again. They say you will stay like this unless we make a decision to stop it. To kill you. I want to scream with agony that you left us with this decision. No human should have this decision to make.

You ruined me and I want to hate you so bad. My brain thinks it will be easier. I want to but I can’t. It’s not possible because it’s just you Livy. It’s just you my little sister. My soul won’t let me hate you.

I get mad because sibling doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. It feels like you reached inside me and killed me when you tried to kill yourself. I don’t know what other word would be more fitting. Soulmate?

I find myself thinking the worst things ever. How I wish I would’ve died instead of u. I’m a horrible f** person. I look at you and I just see myself. Everything that is me is you. I can’t live like this Livy. I just f** can’t.

Veronika

June 15, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

Veronika, I’m reading the posts here and remembering the great things you brought to my life. I remember how we used to laugh at the funny name of the mob guy that allegedly lived in your apartment before.And now I can’t remember his name so I want to call you badly. Ask for that name and have a great f———laugh. Then I’d ask you how your day was and banter about mine.

This is the first time in my life that I realize some things might be lost forever, like the name of the mob guy and the laugh we would share. And that makes me cherish the little things now. But also it’s hard to keep my head up.

I keep coming back to our picture from when we were kids. You are laughing there so much I think you’re peeing yourself a little. I’m next to you with my hand in front of my face, maybe I farted or something, I don’t know maybe that’s what made you laugh so much. I just wish so much I could share that laugh with you again.

—

I have no words. I don’t know. I just really don’t know. I still remember that hug I gave you on my balcony, in the sun. You were scared to come downstairs and open up to our parents, especially dad. I don’t know how it was in your shoes, but I feel like you shielded me from so much by being older.

Veronika, in a way we truly were f——— soulmates. I will never forget you.

1 month

June 6, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

Hey Jordan, it’s been a month. It still feels like just yesterday you were here. I miss you everyday and am still heartbroken that you aren’t here. Theo is growing every day and doing so much more than even a month ago now. He’s about the only thing that keeps me getting up each day.

It seems so impossible that you’re gone. I’m hoping writing will help me accept the situation.

I’m so sorry, I just didn’t know you were in so much pain. The world feels so empty without you here and I want nothing more than to join you. I contemplate it everyday but I have Theo and Kailee and I know they need me. We need you too and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that enough.

It’s so terrible here now. All I have are memories and regrets. I’m angry all the time. It’s not fair to the people around me but I just don’t care. There’s no one in my life who understands this pain and it makes it all the more unbearable.

I know I tell you this all the time but I truly hope you are at peace now. I love you so much

I lost both my brothers to suicide

May 28, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

where to begin?? Well I guess I should start in 2020 when my younger brother John-michael took his life in his room @ the age of 21 and I was the one who found him.
2 years later in 2022 my youngest brother Jim ended up going the same route he died @ the age of 20.
Now what makes this story even more interesting is that my brother Jim recorded music so when he left this world he left his music here which is currently still being released ( posthumously)

Its just crazy that I can still hear his voice and feel what he felt threw his music.
Fast forward to current date which is 05/28/23 I am now living in a sober living which I have relapsed and I’m been on a binge for almost 2 months now. I can feel the depression coming back and thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore but then again there’s no way I could ever hurt my family like that they would just be devastated now that I’m the only brother left. I just need some one to talk to about this I mean I don’t want say I’m using my past trauma as an excuse to use but damn man I just have a lot pain I had to go threw like damn! why does this have to happen? its been 7 months since my brothers passing and I feel like I’m just now grieving.

afraid of love

May 21, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

b<3
I wrote you a letter when I was 11, and I told you I loved you. I told you not to die. by your hands or any other. I am afraid of love now. to take it in, to receive it, even to be near it. it makes me so uncomfortable. it scares me, it makes me lash out. I am trying to heal. I am trying to get better. I don’t blame you. I just need to tell someone. I’m 22 now, and I think I’m in love. this won’t work unless I let it, but I don’t know how. I will learn. I have to learn, or things will only get worse.

My Sister’s Birthday

May 10, 2023Guest Post, LettersGuest Poster

Dear Sis,

It’s been almost 7 yrs since we lost you and today is your birthday. I miss you terribly and think about you all the time. It breaks my heart to think of how difficult things must have been for you.
You were a wonderful, generous to a fault, loving mom, grandmother, aunt and sister.Love you always,
SJ

Permanent Dullness&hellip

April 21, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

Hey Cheech. I remember when I first started calling you that, after you hated me calling you Cheechee. I can’t believe how time keeps going no matter what. But also that empty hole in my heart is forever here. It feels like a persistent lump in my throat sometimes. Like I forget to breathe when I think about you and our memories.

I really try to not get angry at your decision. Nobody can ever imagine how painful it is to lose a sibling by suicide until it happens. It’s unbearable knowing we’ll never get an opportunity to live together, eat at cool ass restaurants, experience hardships together. You were only 21. Only 21. I get so constricted internally thinking about all the things you were dealing with in a dark cloud.

I wouldn’t wish this insatiable, everlasting, numbness on anyone’s heart.

I miss you

April 4, 2023Guest Post, LettersGuest Poster

I miss you, Mike, I miss the friendship we could’ve had. I hate that you took away the opportunity for us to really get to know each other. I hate that you took away my big brother. I hate that you left your kids. I hate the way you did it. I hate knowing I won’t get to talk to you again, won’t hug you again, won’t receive an awkward birthday phone call. We didn’t get to drink together. I didn’t get to know you. not really. I want you to come back.

Happy birthday to someone who makes the world a brighter place

April 2, 2023Guest PostGuest Poster

Happy birthday to someone who makes the world a brighter place “Auguri Di Buon Compleanno”

Birthdays are special occasions that allow us to celebrate the people we love and cherish. In Italy, the traditional birthday greeting is “Auguri Di Buon Compleanno,” which roughly translates to “best wishes on your birthday.” In this blog post, we’ll explore the meaning of this phrase and discuss how to make someone’s birthday extra special. Whether it’s your best friend, family member, or significant other, we’ll provide ideas for how to celebrate the special people in our lives and make their day one to remember.
Who is the person celebrating their birthday?
The person celebrating their birthday is someone who makes the world a brighter place. Perhaps it’s a friend who always knows how to make you laugh or a family member who is always there to lend a helping hand. It could be a significant other who has been your rock through thick and thin or a coworker who brightens up your day with their infectious positivity. Whoever it is, take a moment to reflect on why they are special to you and how they make the world a better place.
I have a friend named Sarah who is celebrating her birthday next week. Sarah is one of the kindest people I know. She has a heart of gold and is always there for her friends and family. Sarah is also incredibly talented, with a knack for painting and a love for all things creative. She never fails to inspire me with her passion and determination. I am so grateful to have her in my life, and I’m excited to celebrate her birthday in a special way.
Why birthdays are important
Birthdays are more than just a day to receive presents and eat cake. They’re an opportunity to reflect on the past year and set intentions for the year ahead. Birthdays mark the passage of time and remind us of our growth and accomplishments. They also provide a chance to connect with loved ones and strengthen relationships.
Birthday celebrations have a rich cultural and historical significance. In ancient times, people believed that evil spirits were particularly active on a person’s birthday. To protect the birthday person, family and friends would gather to offer good wishes, presents, and prayers. In Western cultures, birthday cakes are a popular tradition. The cake, candles, and the song “Happy Birthday” all have symbolic meaning. The candles represent the number of years the person has been alive, and blowing them out is a symbolic way of making a wish. The song “Happy Birthday” is an anthem of celebration, wishing the birthday person a happy year ahead.
Psychologically, birthdays can also have important benefits. Celebrating milestones and accomplishments can help boost self-esteem and confidence. Social connections and celebrations with loved ones can also have positive effects on our mental health, reducing stress and feelings of loneliness.
How to make the person’s birthday special
If you want to make someone’s birthday extra special, there are countless ways to do so. Here are a few ideas:
Plan a surprise party: Surprise parties are a classic way to make someone’s birthday unforgettable. Gather their friends and family and plan a surprise party, complete with decorations, food, and drinks. Make sure to keep the party a secret, and watch as the birthday person’s face lights up with excitement.
Cook them a special meal: If the birthday person loves food, consider cooking them a special meal. It could be their favourite dish or something new and exciting. Set the table with candles and make the meal a special occasion.
Make a DIY gift: A handmade gift is a thoughtful and personal way to show someone how much you care. Consider making a photo album, a scrapbook, or a painting for

Conclusion
A. Recap of the main points
In this article, we have explored the meaning and significance of “Auguri Di Buon Compleanno” and how it relates to celebrating the birthday of someone who makes the world a brighter place. We have discussed the importance of birthdays and how they have been celebrated throughout history and across cultures. Additionally, we have provided suggestions and tips for making the birthday of someone special even more memorable.
B. Final birthday message for the person
To the person celebrating their birthday, we want to wish you a very happy birthday! Your presence in this world has made it a brighter and better place, and we are grateful for everything you do. May this year be filled with joy, happiness, and success in all of your endeavours.
C. Call to action for readers to celebrate the special people in their lives
As we celebrate the birthday of someone special, let us not forget to celebrate the special people in our own lives as well. Take the time to show appreciation for those who make your world brighter and better. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or colleague, let them know how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate them. Make their day special, just like they make yours.
In conclusion, birthdays are a time to celebrate the lives of those who make our world a better place. “Auguri Di Buon Compleanno” is a beautiful expression that captures the essence of this celebration. By taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate the special people in our lives, we can create meaningful connections and build stronger relationships. So, let us celebrate birthdays with joy, love, and gratitude, and make every day a little brighter for ourselves and those around us.

Chaos

March 30, 2023Guest Post, LettersGuest Poster

I’m missing you more than I should today. My heart is tearing more and more as the minutes pass. My chest is tight, I feel like I’m suffocating.… my eyes can’t hold back the pouring tears today. I’m hurting here without you today. You’re the only comfort my body needs today, and you’re not here. My throat can’t handle the gulps anymore… the pressure of grief. I cut my hair this morning. I showered, I drank water, I slept in, Im trying brother.. I miss you so f** much today.