Memories

Exactly one year ago yesterday my brother left this world on his own accord and by his own hand, committing suicide and wrought a tear in my soul and all who know him. He is missed every day. It still hurts and the scar is still fresh. Every day I think why someone would do something so extreme. I won’t ever be a complete person again because there is a piece of me that died with him on that day. I also lost a chance with a person who literally saved my life. She is a great friend and I’m forever in her debt. I may never move from that position of how I feel about her and perhaps it was wrong to let her go but she is happy and that is what I want for her. I just hope that the person she has chosen never ever hurts her because I never will because it would be wrong. Maybe some day in the future. Brother I wonder where your soul wanders and I’m looking for some sign you are okay. The next thing will be hard to read so I warn you read at your own risk.
Lord, I ask why you did this thing and sewed this strife
it’s never truly understood why someone would end their own life
And reap so much pain wrenching a spirit so pure to twist and strain to produce a written lyric worthy of only Mark Twain’s almighty pen stronger than his sword I implore you then take every inch and give it two times back cause thing we call life has been thrown off its track when will I finally rise off this destructive path and forgive a fathers and mothers bickering this whole situation is grave whack its slithering like anacondas asps and Cobras through my minds unconscious cracks
Trying to move on but every day some little things pull me back just take it slow day by day like a pawn up and down this journey called life’s highway do that learning fill my knowledge trough to lay a foundation for my future that even atomic bombs can’t knock off
and I wonder how she’s doing every day it’s nice to see her life going the right way gives me hope that one day mine will follow but not the same way which is hard to swallow
Why would one abandon this life in exchange for something not known why leave a family tattered and torn like Midwest plains after a tornado and heavy shower rains
Why abandon the chance at a Nobel prize going to college on a research scholarship grant why leave a woman who was willing to be your sister first and then more even a sister I would call the same its always great to add to a family tree And lady I’m always there if u need me but you gotta quit your bad habits they’re gonna end your life you could be and do so much more just end your own inner strife take care of those kittens knit more makeup mittens to show your skill
Get in school like I know you will
Still need to meet your brother lost one I did and you as well one to replace I need to find
I’m sure you will find your best in due time
And to all my sisters we need to find and spend good family rhyme time
To my brother I hope you found good peace wherever whenever it may be I haven’t found that I keep going back to that day one year ago that forever changed the direction of my life but it’s for the positive not the minus
if I find the secret to what lies inside the black diamond I’ve yet to find
its out there somewhere that why I grind
And to all humanity I say
go above and beyond every single day
Stop this fighting we call war it only brings another dead soldier home earlier than before
from a conflict that stems from a corrupt politicians central core
How many times must we say no more
How many children must before enough is enough it doesn’t justify more like Edwin Starr said what is it good for
rock the watchtower bad voodoo Hendrix
Never lose vigilance over what’s truly depended
On every brother mother father daughter sister cousin uncle aunt son everyone
We all should love our fellow man
enough to leave him alone if that’s where he truly needs to stand
But I bid you ado from a son who lost a brother while transforming into a humble man while still a lot of growing to do
This is why I write this down for you to see not because I want grandeur or praise it’s because I want the human race to see the error of its ways before we doom ourselves to future nonexistent while we still have power to deal with it
Oh and K it’s all you have a great life I know I’ll be better it’s true when emblazoned with that cross that you drew thank you you’re always the glue it’s sad maybe yes but it’s also the truth
So I tell myself rise like the Phoenix from the ashes and start my life anew before Im ended and just held together with tattered sticks and dried up Elmer’s glue
My life returns I bid you ado.
If ever you know someone who you think is willing to end their own life please for all that your being is be bold enough to intervene because I can’t change what happened but every I live my life thinking how can I make someone’s day better? That’s my journey.

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