I’ll never be the same

Two years ago my brother took his own life, I lost my best friend and I’ll never be the same person I was.
For thirty years he was always there, never judging me or leading me the wrong way, yeah we fought like brothers sometimes but that’s just how it is. We did everything together and went through a lot when we we’re kids so we always had that strong bond and knew we could count on each other, I’ll never get that back, a void that will stay with me the rest of my life. I love and miss him so much.
The part that really hurts is I have a seven year old daughter that looked up to him so much, the love he had for her was unreal, it broke my daughters heart when I had to tell her he was gone, being seven she doesn’t understand the reality of what happened, now when she gets older to a point when honestly I’m ready, I’ll have to re-live this and tell her the truth and break her heart all over again.
I am a veteran, did a tour in Iraq, and I can honestly say that his suicide messed me up more than what I went through during my military career, I think of him every single day, some days are harder than others but the one thing I have taken from this is you’re not alone and for that I’m extremely grateful.
After two years I still have the same heartbreaking feeling that hurts more than anything I can describe.
I’ve never really talked about it so thank you if you read this.

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2 Responses to I’ll never be the same

  1. Maya says:

    Heart breaking feeling is right. Coming up on six years for me. My brother was a Marine. The moments when we let it out, they hurt and we can’t stop it till we sleep.

  2. Alex says:

    Thank you for writing about this, I’ve had a similar experience losing my brother too and it helps to know I’m not alone. You’re a strong and honourable person I can see this through your words. I’ll never be who I was either, but I’m seeing more clearly each day that that is part of life, and 30 years from now, things will be so different and the grief will not be the same then. It helps so much to have kids in the family, and to know part of my brother lives within them. Wish you all the best.

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