Dear Garrett

Dear Garrett,

I really don’t know how to write this to you. I know that mom and dad have written you letters so why not give this a try. My counselor said one time that writing is good for grieving people but I don’t really believe that. I have mixed feelings about you leaving us. I too was depressed and wondered about ending my own life. I tried to be the voice of reason for why you did this. Even today I still am trying to reason it over and over in my head. I don’t think you understood what you were leaving behind. Mom… Dad… and what about me Garrett? Do you realize that you forgot about me in your letter to Mom? Do you realize that not only trying to grieve over you, that James hurt me? Cause if losing you wasn’t enough, I had to be toyed around by the boyfriend (at the time). Garrett, did you know you wouldn’t see me graduate? Did you know you wouldn’t see me get married? Did you know that you would never be an uncle to my kids? Did you know I would never be able to be an aunt to yours? You know, I do understand the dark place you were in, and how you thought Sara was your whole life. But Garrett, if Sara was your whole life and helped you make the decision to take your life, how could you expect us to not hate her? I have been torn between understand why and explaining why. Did you know that I kept mom and dad going? Do you know I went to college to prove you wrong? To show you I could do it! Sometimes I go back to that day and wish I came upstairs and talked to you when you dropped off my car. Why did I need to go through so much pain when I was only 17, Garrett??? Why do I find myself listening to songs about you in the car and cry? Do you know I wear your wrist band every time I show to see if you are there with me? I hope you saw me show in Oklahoma. You are my big brother and I needed you here.

I will see you again Garrett Norman,

Annelise

 

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